Motherhood: Parenting with Love and Logic

Brynlie was hungry and tired yesterday afternoon. But instead accepting comfort and eating to feel better, she just kicked and screamed at Trav and me. She's 4, ya know? But even though she's 4, Trav and I don't deserve to be treated that way especially when we are there just to help. Somehow, someday she has to learn that it's okay to be hungry and tired but it's not okay to yell at us and be mean to us because she's hungry. So we, basically, gave in knowing that we'd do something about it tomorrow when we'd have time and energy to not lose it. So today when she was calm, happy and content, having practiced saying this once before telling Brynlie, I said in a happy and relaxed voice, "hey, bryn, you know how you were kicking and screaming yesterday? It drained my energy but I thought of something you can do to put energy back in me! Want to here was it is?" And she excitedly said, "yes!" I said excitedly (to make it sound fun and because she was handling well so far!), "okay, it's a fridge project. Take everything out of the fridge to be organized." Then she ran off saying, "okay!" I didn't follow right behind trying to give her some room to not feel too controlled and also to help the other two tiny kiddos asking for my attention. She proceeded to organize and clean each shelf and now our fridge looks awesome! Double check off my list of things to do! Then she was exhausted after working for a hour and me saying "you are doing a good job putting energy back in me" "you're a hard worker" and "it looks like you like putting energy in me." We sat and she rested and we talked for a little bit. I said, "you know how yesterday you were hungry and tired? It probably would have been a good idea to eat and rest, huh? Instead you kicked and screamed like this...." Then we laughed and my imitation. "Why did you kick and scream?" She just shrugged and so I said, "it's okay to feel hungry and it's okay to feel tired. Mommy was trying to help you get some food and rest but when I said, 'bryn, can I help you?' You went like this..." And I imitated her kicking and screaming. This time she embarrassingly smiled and for a split second I saw a pure, innocent remorse on her face. She realized she had been rude. Thinking I'd have to help her understand that feeling and then what to do about it (tell me sorry), she looked away and kindly said, "I'm sorry for doing that yesterday." And my heart melted!! I said "thank you for saying sorry! That's was exactly what you needed to do! You such a good girl, even when you're kicking and screaming, but saying sorry was acting like a good girl! Thank you sooo much!" Tender mercy. Trying to remember to not talk to her about it in the moment but later when she's calm and can understand it without being defensive.

I got these ideas from Love and Logic. 

https://www.loveandlogic.com

Motherhood: It Matters

Saturday night I was wallowing in self pity and was dreading being celebrated for feeling obligated in my role as mother. Fun times. But all melted away with this stirring reminder: motherhood is important and that's why you're being honored tomorrow and that's why you stick with it each and everyday.

Being celebrated for the amount of work I do is what makes me hate Mother's Day. It makes me think, "holy cow, motherhood is truly a lot of work and that's what the rest of my existence will be like." Can I get a "wahoo"? This lovely thought fills me with overwhelming despair and self pity. 

When my focus is on the crying and ornery kids I wake up to everyday, or my kitchen floor that will not stay clean, or the fact that some things I do everyday, even all day, aren't what I would particularly choose to be doing, I begin to feel obligated, sorry for myself, and start wallowing in self pity.

Are you ready for the encouraging and hopeful truth yet? 

For obvious reasons, the above description of motherhood is not why I stick with it. I don't create another battle plan for handling ornery starving kids in the morning because I enjoy this challenge. I don't discipline because it makes me feel refreshed and calm. I do these things because being a mother is the most important thing I can be doing here and in the eternities.

This one thought teaches us how important each individual is to Heavenly Father. Brynlie and Trevin are so important to Heavenly Father that he needs a nurturing yet strong mother to teach them to be Christlike and to rely on Christ's grace so they can return to live with Him. How humble, tearfully humble, I feel to answer the call to give my best effort. How complaining about washing a kicking and screaming one year old's hands sounds trivial when I remember how important it is to Heavenly Father that Trevin is cared for, loved, and taught Christ's gospel.

Christ didn't enjoy suffering for our sins. He specifically asked, "Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me."  But he stuck with it because Heavenly Father's will is incredibly important, "nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done."

Christ knows what it's like to not be utterly thrilled to do the important work Heavenly Father has for each of his children. In fact, Christ said, "[this is] not my will..." But Christ is the master at doing what Heavenly Father asks whether or not it's what we want to to. He is the master at trusting Heavenly Father's plan and the role Heavenly Father has asked us all to play. As mothers we have the privilege and the challenge of teaching and caring for his precious children because that is what Heavenly Father has asked us to do. We can have fun and have a good time, but when we aren't having fun and when we are sick of it, it's okay. We've just been asked to stick with it, remembering Heavenly Father's will and his love for his children. Motherhood. It's the most important thing we, as mothers and women, can do. It's a privilege and a challenge we humbly accept.

Motherhood: The Sacrament Schedule of Success

Last week and today we had very successful sacrament meetings. It had to do with a few things: I had a specific schedule for the hour, I had treat bags, and angels helped the kids feel content.

I came to the conclusion that facing sacrament meeting basically as an hour of free time for my kids was overwhelming and showed me exactly why I am exhausted after that "free time"/sacrament meeting.

So I made a "schedule" or a general plan for the hour. AlthoughI I felt like I had just taken another step towards an over-organized-crazy-person, the second the meeting started I felt positive and in control because I had a plan! This immediately made me feel more organized mentally. This is how it looked:

This is how it went down:

11:50-12:00 (before the Sacrament):

Trevin on the bench, playing with the 

bench in front, or waving to dad. Sometimes it feel busy (keeping him from pulling the girls hair in front of us), but it still wasnt a big deal because it was part of my plan and I also knew there would be an end shortly. 

Brynlie during this time totally participated in the meeting. Singing songs and praying and generally laughing at Trevin. (Precious!)

12:00-12:15 (During the Sacrament): Trevin had his treats and books. During this time I answered Brynlie's concerned question about her treats with "when the boys passing the sacrament sit down."

12:15-1:00 (the talks):

Treat bag! This was Brynlie's main area of success. (But other weeks without this "schedule" she is not the exhausting "problem" of sacrament) I handed her a whole baggie full of snacks (mostly healthy things like raisins) and she loved the free reign to choose which treats she wanted and when. This kept her occupied for almost 20 minutes!!

Trevin, too, loved it and played with his books during this time.

With only 20 minutes left I pulled out Brynlie's purse of toys mostly because she saw it. (If she hadn't seen it she would have been content without it)

I debated whether to even bring out trevins eggs (quiet time activity with easter eggs and an egg carton) because he was pretty content. Then he had a small out burst with 5 minutes left so I whipped them out and we flowed easily through until the end of the closing prayer!!

Today it went like this:

11:50-12:00 (before the Sacrament):

Trevin played on the bench and Brynlie participate like last week.

12:00-12:15 (during the Sacrament):

Trevin had a few treats and played with a few books. This wasn't perfectly ideal because of all the resources I had to use, but we made it. Brynlie during this time was very eager but equally patient to wait for her treat bag.

12:15-1:00 (the talks):

For the next 20 minutes Brynlie enjoyed her treat bag (another successful activty for her). This was also the climax of Trevin's neediness. I'm not incredibly sure but I believe Trevin and I survived by trying (again) all the books and I treats I had. 

He finally became content when I pulled out the tin box of crayons. He spent 20 minutes tipping over the box and putting all the crayons back in. Brynlie wanted to color during this time and was very kind to not demand all the crayons be in her possession. Instead she'd lean over and grab the crayon she wanted and let him have the rest! So sweet. Angels helped these too be patient with each other and relax and be content.

Another thing I've done is have one diaper only for Sunday that has everything (diapers, wipes, toys and books) already packed except the treats. It makes packing up and getting ready for church the night before so much more doable. (It's not really an exciting joy to pack up the diaper bag full each week at 10pm, so just worrying about the treats helps). Plus this keeps the novality of the toys to "Sunday only" toys which should help for a little. I already have switched toys out to help as well. :)

Having a smoother Sacrament meeting effects the rest of the day somehow. I've been a lot less exhausted/overwhelmed and have a lot more positive energy at the end of the meeting which is priceless!

Motherhood: the 1 year old and 3 year old stages

I have loved watching Trevin in each of his stages but this 1 year stage has been so so fun! I love watching him not only learn to walk but how incredibly proud he is of himself as he's walking!! I love that he can sign and that he loves to learn new signs! And how he understands the main things I say about food and toys! Right now it just seems like he feels so accomplished and proud of himself which at this stage of learning and innocence is just the sweetest thing I've seen! I'm also loving that he sleeps through the night. Meaning: he wakes up between 7:30 and 8 for the day with the rest of us and can wait 10 minutes and have breakfast before his bottle full of cows milk!

I'm also loving how helpful Brynlie is becoming! How independently she goes potty! How incredibly excited she was when we ate our dinner outside! (Totally worth all the effort just to witness her seventh heaven excitement!) How when she sees Trevin cry when I can no longer play basketball with him picks up a ball and says, "I'll play basketball with you, Trevin." When she gets rewarded for such a kind and thoughtful gesture says, "what can I get if I play tractors with him?" Seriously? Can I just squeeze you!!!?

Love love love!!

Motherhood: Have fun!

That evening (mentioned in the previous post), once the kids were asleep, I was reminded of a principle and then I also did something that completely rejuvenated my faith. I was reminded by Connie Sokol's free podcast called "Beat the Holiday Blues" (and she has many more) to have conscious fun!! I'm really good and working hard even when I don't want to. I love to have fun but easily choose "more important" tasks instead. So I made a list of things I like to do that are unproductive and things that I feel good after (can be productive). Like taking pictures of the details in our yard and organizing something.

Today I'm gonna make time to have full on fun even for 15 minutes!

Also, last night I combined and created my weekly dinner plan with a kids lunch plan, daily fun mom activity, daily kids activity and other calendar type plans (like playing with Hadley and her mom on Friday). I feel so organized and less "what are we going to do TODAY?" When I plan from "off the seat of my pants" I tend to plan things more based on my mood and the same things over and over. Normally it's fine and works well but just slightly exhausting. On days like yesterday where my mood and energy level aren't an asset, I need a solid plan that is unrelated to my mood.

Yay for a plan and "fun" solutions!!

Connie Sokol's free podcasts:  http://conniesokol.com/back-to-basics/free-podcasts/

Motherhood: We will survive!

Today I had another one of the moments where I realized I had a choice make: to be a crazy and sad mother or a steller mom for my family's specific needs. I suppose I've chosen sanity because I have a plan for tomorrow and some determination way down somewhere in my bones. But I'm still bloated with an ulcer and overwhelmed. Unrelated to motherhood overwhelmedness, Trevin's got a fat lip, and Trav has the stomach flu.

Anyone else done with winter/spring sicknesses!?? They might just do me in! Phew! :)

Things are bound to improve though, right?! Chances are low Trav will have the stomach flu forever. And if I choose faith President Hinckly says things ALWAYS work out for those that have faith. And a grain of a mustard seed has been told to work!! 

Here's to fighting through those mothering blah and frustrating days.

Maybe that's what Heaven is for

Today everything about motherhood was overwhelming. The tantrums, the lack of sleep, the food fits, and the lack of control I really have on my day (ex: got everything and everyone down for naps including me when one child wakes up...no nap for me).

Sometimes motherhood is one of those things we try and conquer in this life and yet it's always slightly out of our grasp - therefore stretching us to grow.

Tonight while I was hanging on to my hope and faith (in the strength God gave me and in the faith He has in me), trav took Brynlie outside for a much needed break (for both of us). I opted for cleaning the kitchen, which truly was a nice break. While cleaning I was listening to "hilary week radio" on pandora and thinking about the gigantic task yet privilege motherhood is for me when the song sang, "maybe that's what heaven is for."

It made so much sense right then. Oh how I want to have everything together and be a fantastic mother. Yet it's a little out of my grasp (like, I'm not perfect). But how comforting it is to hope that one day (far way) I WILL have it all together. One day my kitchen will be spotless AND my child will fully understand that she can't throw a fit about everything (or anything!) :)

Then (if that wasn't comforting enough), Heavenly Father sent another great song. All the words were too perfect to not include them all:

I know you wonder
If you’ll ever have a day
Where the kids stay calm, the laundry’s done
And the dishes are put away


And sometimes you feel like
Your days are spent and gone
And the question running through your mind
Is what have I gotten done
And when you finally have a moment to slow down
At the end of your day I know Father would say


Believe in what you’re doing
Believe in who you are
And hold tight to the truth that you’re a daughter of God
Believe in who you’re becoming, believe in who you are


Now it might seem simple
All the little things you do
But the lives you touch matter so much
And there’s no one else like you


And Father needs you to stand tall and faithful
To be all you can be
Oh, if you could see what he sees


You’d believe in what you’re doing
You’d believe in who you are
So hold tight to the truth that you’re a daughter of God
Believe in who you’re becoming, believe in who you are


And when it’s hard to believe in yourself
And you feel like you’re beginning to doubt
Remember


That he believes in what you’re doing
He believes in who you are
So don’t lose sight of the truth that you’re a daughter of God
That he believes in who you’re becoming, He believes in who you are

I believe in this challenge and blessing of motherhood. I believe it's my heavenly calling and Heavenly Father will guide me every which way if I submit and not succume to the temptation to lose faith. I know he hears my prayers, the huge ones and the ones about finding the binkie! I am so grateful! And so blessed to have this knowledge in one of the hardest and amazing callings in the world: motherhood.